acadmic, professional and personal life
| time to be grateful for what I have | 14th June 2006, 03:10 | |
| I am so glad that I have shahed, someone who I know would go out of bounds to keep me safe and happy... I know I have been unfair to him many times..but hope God forgives me.. I love him so much!!! HE IS THE BEST!! |
||
 |
recent moodswings... | 23rd April 2006, 20:39 |
| I am famous..rather infamous for my moodswings...which i like to call "pms effect"..and my friends like to call "lame-excuse-for-being-mean-towards-shahed" Recently i am having terrible terrible moodswings..i don't feel like studying..don't feel like anything...basically have become disinterested with everything possible.. I have been thinking lately what helped me get through bard in the face of such stress and pressure as the type I had been through...i have established a hypthosis after much retrospection...it was SHAHED... I used to spend the weekend talking to him on the phone and he used to brief me about changes in DHaka..about petty little things that were happening around him...we used to chat about sweet little nothings..and sing to each other..it was painful to not be able to see him while talking to him..however just talking to him like that was just soothing somehow... Now his life is stressful in London just as mine is gradschool....he looks upto me as a pacifier like i used to once... I have lost the only person who could soothe my soul in the hustle bustle of life.. |
||
| open confession | 23rd January 2006, 02:28 | |
| I never before have admitted in public that always wish for a father... I wish i had a caring father who loved me.. |
||
| birthday!!.. | 5th December 2005, 01:50 | |
| this time last year... was at bard...angi affi sania cesia were at my house (mary's house) we were exchanging secret santa presents..it was a hell lot of fun!!! this year this time this year i don't know how things will go..i mean it can't go too bad..ammu is here the person to gave birth to me, the person who has given me everything i have today.. ammu and i baked a cake..actually two cakes in one -strawberry--bleep--vanilla cake topped with strawberry icecream...yummyy!!!! but u know there is still this feeling that I am missing something.. there is something or rather someone who i could have to make things sooo much better... it's weird that i have never spent my birthday ever with shahed who is one of those two people i love the most...i guess it's never enough..i have ammu and still i am complaining about shahed not being here with me on the great day... |
||
 |
feeling inadequate... | 2nd November 2005, 00:39 |
| sometimes this feeling of inadequacy engulfes me....takes away all the confidence i have mustered all my life... i feel like i am not a fighter anymore... it hurts..every single muscle of my heart pulls..i get a choking feeling in my throat...wish I was never here in this world..but what hurts more is when i see ammu sad because i am down... I wish ammu wasn't the best as she is to me..or else things would have been so much easier for me...i wish she had not given up everything for me and become the spirit of my life... else my life..would have escaped long ago... |
||
 |
M | 25th August 2005, 16:22 |
| It has been three weeks already since math camp has started..(by the way math camp is nothing fun trust me..it's just an EXTREMELY INTENSE crashhhh math course for econ grad students...it seems to me now that you can very well be an econ grad student without having any econ background but PLENTYYYYYY of math skills)...so luckily I am doing fine.. but putting math camp aside..I can also say that I was very lucky in terms of everything else..I found a really nice one bed room appartment right on main road but that too at an unbelievable price, "ONLY for 400 bucks... including utilities.." (thanks to Afroza for accompanying me throughout the house search process and suggesting me to take this house..and also for being my nicest friend ever) I decorated the house a bit..got colorful funky carpets for both the rooms...a very cute beige leather-topped dining table set with a "lily-of-the-valley flower vase" to go on it to embellish it even more. The wrought iron bed is also very nice..goes well with the black framed mirror...I just wish i had more time to decorate the house..but since ammu is very happy with the appartment especially with the air conditioner (since we did not have one in NYC appartment) I can't care more for now..not until math camp ends.. And yesss..I bought a laptop finallyyyy..it's very pretty or rather handsome..with it's silver mac looking structure.. i can't wait for afroza to come on the 23rd to visit me we will go to DC watch "must love dogs"--heard it's a funny movie with John Cusack in it..also can't wait for sania and angi to see the house and Uni of maryland.. will put pics of the house, laptop and uni of maryland later.. |
||
 |
writing for the sake of writing | 18th July 2005, 17:18 |
| i am not really in the mood of writing..so don't know what to write..I guess I could write about the picnic I have been to yesterday.. I went to this picnic in Belmont state lake park in Long Island organized by these to bongo communities.. The picnic was mal-organised..very chaotic-just-as-all-bengali-parties-are-expected-to-be..I didn't like the picnic at all..but ammu liked it so so coz she found her DU friends there..tho she laughed at the rest of the crowd besides her friends but I had no friends..very out of place..i hope i don't sound snobbish or anything..but seriously...the crowd was just not my type..I felt like an outsider.. Through my eyes-an outsider's eye..I was analysing these people..and thinking if I will ever bring my children to such bengali picnics...i was also wondering if my children will think my friends are "khat" the way I am thinking about these people...THERE IS A BIG MAYBE LOOMING AS AN ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION.. |
||
 |
a small walk down the lane | 4th July 2005, 18:35 |
| i was a little frustrated this morning...nothing unusual..frustration accompanies optimistic ME wherever I go ..since I am hardly satisfied with anything..but anyways.. So I woke up this morning and got out of the house..aimlessly.. I was trying to find something to do..something very drastic came to my mind..so i kept walking..it was quite early in the morning..around 8 am..the sun was up much too long already..however the walk was soothing me despite the hot summer sun on my right face..I was remembering how ammu used to say "after all you are a girl so you will have to marry and it's very important for girls to be pretty in order to find a suitable husband" BY THE WAY pretty in this case means FAIR COMPLEXION..I wondered what her defision of a suitable husband was..coz it kept changing from time to time.. These sexist remarks that I hear all the time "how girls are helpless and must be taken care of"..PISSEEESSSS ME OFFF... The long walk up on Jamaica hillside and back down..taught me something..long quiet thoughtful walks are what I need at least once a week..it takes away stress, anxiety, anger and all the evils MAYBE Last night ammu, shilpi aunty and I were in Brighton beach shilpi aunty was saying how wetting feet in the water can stress-relieving..I was thinking to myself that I would have come to the beach quite often if I lived in NYC to relieve all anxiety.. But I have found an even better relief.."a small walk down the lane" is what I will need..once in while.. |
||
| < | 2008 | > | ||||
| < | December | > | ||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 | 31 | ||||
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
| Actions |
|
» BusyThumbs Home » Create Your Own Blog! » Login » Author Profile » Forum » Any Questions? |
| My Favourites |
|
|
| My Links |
| Hot Topics |
|
Google Earth - Improved 3D! by moblog on 25 Sep 2006 Welcome To BusyThumbs! by tripleox on 14 Sep 2006 Edit Pictures In Your Browser by tripleox on 14 Sep 2006 Mobile Phone Safety by tripleox on 13 Sep 2006 Video Blogging by tripleox on 08 Sep 2006 Busythumbs Feedback by tripleox on 06 Sep 2006 BusyTagging by tripleox on 24 Mar 2005 |
| Syndication |
|
|
